The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles such as:

13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to "thay shings like thish".

9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe exlovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Bubba.

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

 

 Copyright by Joat Electronics 1996